Birthday depression?

•I think I lost my ability to write...

“I think I lost my ability to write” was definitely click bait. God forbid I actually loose my ability to write.

Birthdays mark a special moment, more like a day where an end and a beginning collide, it's like having the finish line of one race and having the starting line of another race on the same spot. It's like being compared to magical portals, where we embrace the intersection of what was and what will be. It gives a beautiful representation of the simultaneous presence of dusk and dawn.

Personally, I feel one's birthday should be one of their happiest days of the year and that happiness shouldn't be dependent on the number of gifts, texts and calls you get that day, but from the realization that on this day, whatever year the earth was privileged to experience the emergence of the beautiful and unique individual that YOU are.

But no, there just had to be a thing labelled “Birthday Depression”.

It's really ugly and if you haven't experienced birthday depression before, you might just be one of the luckiest persons alive. Birthday depression is something I have experienced almost every year since let's say ss2?

Birthday depression is not necessarily a clinical form of depression. It is a just a term used to describe this overwhelming feeling of sadness or disappointment you feel before your birthday or on your birthday or both sef.

runs to google**

Just found out it is also called birthday blues.

I mean I always look forward to my birthdays, but as it draws nearer an unhappy part of me that I thought I had successfully masked by reciting “I'm grateful for life” keeps wishing it could be a little more further or not come at all. And the only reason that part of me is unhappy is because of this same birthday depression.

Birthday depression could be caused by a lot of factors, but often because I think I'm not where I should be at this point of my life. When in reality I don't even know how my life should be, life doesn't come with a manual so I just look at the lives of other people and conclude that where I am currently is not where I should be. I forget that Abba is the orchestrator of my life and that where I should be is where He wants me to be.

This year's own is even worse because the first quarter of fhe year is gone and I'm staring at my goals and visionboards for the year and they are staring back at me.

Wellll, how to conquer birthday depression will be in the comments, x.

Sooooo,

To the little girl I'll always be and to the woman I'm becoming,

Adanne, Adannaya, Adanne Obani, Adamaramma, the one Abba carries on His shoulders. I really don't know where to start but I guess that's something I'll always say each time I write to you.

Let me begin by expressing how proud I am of the person you're becoming. It brings me so much peace to know that your younger self can look up to you and confidently say “this is who she wanted to be”.

Abba said “He has carved your name on the palms of His hands, and your walls are always His concerns” - Isaiah 49:16 . I want that verse to become a part of you.

A singer once sang “problem no dey finish, make you try dey enjoy” and it's so true. Don't dwell too much on your problems, live in the moment, create memories, remember Jeremiah 29:11 and be assured all of your worries, every single one of them would be testaments that God is a good God. After all, YOLO.

I'm proud of how well you've embraced the sweat and tears. I'm proud of how you've kept your head up, no matter the hardship or teardown. Your resilience always amazes me. Have you also noticed how much better you've become at this writing thing?

I want you to know that you are enough just the way you are. You are special, and you don't have to be perfect or have everything figured out. You are allowed to be a masterpiece and a work in progress at the same time. You possess more beauty and strength than you realize. Those imperfections you think you have are what makes you so unique. Take a moment to breathe, to let go of that desire to have control of every aspect of your life. Believe in your ideas; stop overthinking them. Believe in the process, believe in your story, believe in that thing within you that no one else has.

I know you're going to make one hell of a doctor, an amazing writer, youtuber, master creative and everything Abba wants you to be. It's really hard now, but in a couple of years these challenges won't matter as much. Celebrate all the small life victories and cling to all your dreams. Good things take time and nothing good comes easy.

Adaaa, you have the fire to carry grace and the grace to carry fire, your name will mentioned in places you have never stepped foot into. The sky merely serves as your launchpad, brimming with untapped potential. I mean is “a city set on a hill can never be hidden” a joke to you?

Another thing is you're going to lose friends and it's going to be painful but it's okay, you'll be fine. I promise. And there'll also be the best ones and an amazing family who will always be by your side. Trust that God is writing your perfect love story too. Be patient.

Finally, as you draw the curtains on this chapter of your life and open the curtains of the next, know that this chapter is a blank canvas and I can't wait to paint it with you. I pray this year is filled with laughter, opportunities, peace and ease.

One last thing,

Pictures on instagram

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANITA ADAEZE NWEKE! I LOVE YOU ALOT!❤

On Sunday is Easter, where we celebrate the resurrection of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Remember He's the reason for the season, He loves you so so so so much and is ever willing to receive you.

I no go preach the gospel ke?

Love, Adaeze.